Memo to George Clooney: Harass Me No More!

You have no excuse not to watch Hayden Pantieswhatever in her faux public service announcement about the dangers of sexual harassment.

(which is wrong, even if the harasser is George Clooney).

Hayden better look out for some hate mail from Women Whose Lives and Careers Have Been Shattered By Sexual Harassment. They're out there, aren't they?

The Clip is on Will Ferrel's Funny or Die Website, which is pretty awesome anyhow.

Paula Abdul's Cleavage Offered Record Deal (by Randy Jackson)

Let's be honest. The most entertaining aspect of American Idol last night was Paula Abdul's amazingly contorted cleavage. Will she pop out now? Now? Now? When she does her drunken seal clap? Oh well.

Maybe she had a really long crazy straw tucked between the twins, linking to a vodka filled plastic Coke Cup retrofitted under the judge's table. So many possibilities.

Now if you happen to be agonizing about whether Kristy Lee Waffle House Cook will be kicked off AI tonight, just remember that last year they gave everybody a big pass this week to celebrate the good vibes of corporate american sponsors, no wait, celebrity appearances, no wait, helping those kids in Africa (oh that's right).

Miley Cyrus Gives Street Tattoo to Disturbed Fan

"Disturbed" is maybe too kind a word for this lady. Do you see the other signatures? They are TATTOOS!! Seriously, what kind of person trolls the streets for celebrities willing to sign their flesh so they can later turn it into tattoos? It's not like you can auction that off on EBAY in a pinch!

What happens when the celebrity whose sig you have permanently inked on your body has a serious fall from grace? Crap, what if this woman has "OJ" tattooed on her hind parts? Or even better, "All my Love, Michael Jackson." That's just creepy. The rest of the story and the picture can be found at Gossip Girls.

Kirsten Dunst Apologizes for Bad Behavior, Wins Twinkie

E News has reported that Kirsten didn't check into the Cirque Lodge for boozing, but only 'cause she was real sad.

That explains why her reps repeatedly insisted that she wasn't in "rehab" despite a blizzard of photos that showed that she was, in fact, living in that place where all the Hollywood drunkies go to get clean.

Now that she's out rehab(as of April 1) Kirsten has called up Toby Maguire and apologized for being, uh *sad* and that she promises not to get *sad*faced around him again in case they shoot Spiderman 15 or whatever number they're up to now.

Congratulations Kirsten for getting happy again and for being pale and proud! You win Twinkie of the Week!

Get Lindsay Lohan in the Nude for Only 75,000

Lindsay Lohan is ready to kick the dust off her tired acting career and show everyone how she still has the chops. Look out!

The primary way she intends to accomplish this is to take all her clothes off in yet another bound-to-bomb movie in which she plays a sex-addicted waitress. Well, at least it's not too far of a stretch from real life...should be a really convincing performance! The movie is called Florence. And she's only going to get $75k for the role, according to Flixster. Maybe she'll take that in cash for a bachelor party?

A New Edition of Group Dance from those Groovy Filipino Prisoners - Gloria!

So the Filopino Prisoners are back with their group dance version of Gloria - The Starlet thinks it pales in comparison with Thriller (below), which included fantastic tranny acting sequences as well as dancing. Seriously, if you're making up routines in prison, keep the quality level up! It's not like you don't have the time. How about something from Grease!

Get Your Vote On for Perez!

Perez Hilton is on a quest to be on Time Magazine's Top 100 Influential People of the Year.

Now, dear readers, do you remember when Ryan Seacreature was named Most Likely to Shape Your World by Details Magazine? Eeeeek!

Perez shapes the world of blogging, that's for sure, so if you are reading this blog, you are thus shaped, so go on and vote! Click here and crank that fancy voting meter to 100%!